Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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