He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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