There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
