i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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