community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
