you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
