Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
