he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
