I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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