I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
