You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
