Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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