be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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