I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
