..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In America we eat man semen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off