Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My feet surprised me
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