ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.