hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.