My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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