i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
