if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.