Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
not ubering you a puppy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today