I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME