Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
