Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.