did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
