So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
