Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
