Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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