I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
