youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He did a backflip because drugs
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