Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
