How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
