I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
