I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
