Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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