Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
