The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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