I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
