Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
