she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
