dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
