So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
