I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
