oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
