I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
