No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
