need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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