We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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