dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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