just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
