I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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