So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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