I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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