I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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