He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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