where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
