he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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