I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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