Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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