What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
