I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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