maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
