got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
