the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
