if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
