Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
