Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
