No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
being pregnant is like rehab
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
