JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
