is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
