I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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