so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
