yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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