I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When are your genitals available?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
