i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
