Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
