Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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