I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
